Here, now listening to Jose Gonzalez I have noticed that It is such a huge number of hours. And believe me I haven’t cheated anything. I have just stopped to it while I was having lunch and while I wasn’t at my room. While studying finnish, while chatting, etc…always listening to Music. Today, from Jose Gonzalez to Sepultura, passing by Mogwai, Shout out Louds, PANIC! at the disco, and many many more….
You can see the list of the songs here, in a word document.
I was obliged to delete the text with the songs because it was too long.
when everything just seems to be against you, when nothing you want to work works. It is a sensation of being nothing, nobody. But I still think that everything has a reason, and if those things haven’t worked is because something.
Here I am, 3:13 at night listening to The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, at least Winamp works. I wanted to record my voice tonight, I wanted it to be a present, in fact I’ve been speaking for over 6 minutes without knowing than the microphone didn’t work. I looked for the sofware in the internet, I made some tests, but when it had to work it didn’t.
I’ve been also trying to write a Motivation letter for applying for money to do my PhD, I didn’t know what to write and I better left it for tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a better day. I really hope I won’t have those nightmares I had last night. Horrible, I mean, really horrible, maybe I will write it down some day, it is about to be written in my non-electronical diary. Why?
And that finnish language: God, why wasn’t I born Suomalainen? But at least I like it.
I will keep on singing in my dreams, and I hope to dream about u.
“Good good things happen in bad towns” (Yeah yeah yeahs, Honeybear)
What will happen in The Village?
Finally, the traditional Eurovision song contest brings something new and different into our homes, that had been punished with no reason year after year with old-fashioned clichés.
And Lordi got into the contest, not without a polemic choice in their home country, Finland, and receiving critics from a clergyman from the Orthodox Church, who said that Lordi “is a stupid joke of Finland”.
But still they won.
And I say, why all that criticism?, Why all that accusations of being an incitement to Satanism? Why is still some people in Europe that close-minded?
Ok, it is not my kind of music, neither it is the “typical political cliché” music that we used and use to see at Eurovision, but at least is a REAL band, chosen by the Finns, and that is a reflect of them: Suomi has many fans of hard rock and guitar rock.
And what about Spain? Again and again and again: deplorable in a word. Why always all that spanish guitars, all that latin spirit, there’s only left the bullfighter and the bull itself. It sucks. I really wanted Spain to be the last country. A comitteé of experts chose “Las Ketchup” as the candidates, and well, it doesn’t get far better when the crowd has the right to do it…
Another thing that was a surprise (although i knew it) was the politic burden this contest has: we got 12!! points from Andorra!!! Al lot of countries surronding Russia voted them and the same with Scandinavians, they voted each other.
Well, and as Helingin Sanomat proclaimed this morning: “It’s official: Hell has frozen over. Finland has won”. And it is true, nobody who hasn’t been in Finland knows how a Finn felt when they were told about their performances in Eurovision. All those years of humilliation and zero points have ended, now they have their winners: Lordi.
Los tonos cremas de las luces nocturnas
te iluminan mientras fumas.
Tu mirada perdida
delata pensamientos profundos
y mientras, en otro lugar,
con similares luces y parecida belleza,
alguien recuerda tu sonrisa,
alguien piensa en odiar o amar la vida.
Y no sabes por qué no puedo, simplemente
aparecer de la nada en tus calles
y no en las mías;
caer, como la lluvia cae del cielo
y abrazar tus sentidos;
ser Luz que te ilumina
y transformarme luego en hombre;
ser parte de esas calles que admiras,
doblar la esquina
y ver mi cara y la tuya juntas,
y sellar un beso,
como amantes de un pasado siglo hicieron,
como amantes de hoy en día hacen.
The night lights’ cream colours
illuminate you while you smoke.
Your lost look
betray deep thoughts,
and, meanwhile, in other place,
with similar lights and alike beauty,
somebody remember your smile,
somebody think in hate or love Life.
And you don’t know why can’t I, simply,
appear from anywhere in your streets,
and not in mine;
fall, like rain falls from heaven,
and embrace your senses;
be Light that illuminates you
and then transform myself in man;
be part of those streets you admire,
turn the corner
and see your face and mine together,
and seal a kiss,
like lovers from a past century did,
like lovers nowadays do.
Today I have re-started the reading of “The Celestine Prophecy”. I hope it will help myself and I will see life as clear as before. This wednesday I bought a cd “Placebo”, my favourite cd from them, the first one, although they have really composed good cds later, the last one”Meds” is very good.
I identified that cd with my early twenties, and with a girl, who I haven’t see for years.
I was very doubtful about buying the cd, but I finally did.
Then at night, I was with a girl who was having a cigarette in the street, and suddenly, the girl I identify the cd with appear, and we talked for a while. Curious, isn’t it?
I am wondering if I wouldn’t had bought the cd, would i had met the girl? ….I guess I wouldn’t, something says to me….I hope all the magic coincidences are starting again.
I need a change in my life. I need new horizons, new illusions, new places to discover. I am thinking in reading again “The Celestine Prophecy” (“Las Nueve Revelaciones”) by James Redfield, book that I consider as something like my bible (almost), and that guided me in some of my most important decisions in the past. Because I am, in a way, lost. Lost in this jungle as I was once. That book made me see life as nothing did before, and it made me trust in it again.
I went to Norway (the best decision I have ever taken), because some coincidences and facts that happened when I did not know what to choose, and I am proud and happy I did, there I learned many things about life: Life showed me what is Freedom like, and what is life and dead in their pure nature, and believe me it was like living Magic, like if I were a magician.
I asked for things, personal ones, things I believe I truly needed. Life, or destiny, or all the universe’s magic forces together granted me, and in one way or another I got my wishes. The saddest way to resolve a problem, in one of the cases, but, who cares now?, that time has passed… A way that I couldn’t imagine and that made me suffer at the begining, in other case, but I was glad to live it in that way.
I ask myself today: Where is all that Magic, where are all that coincidences? I must have chosen a wrong way, I don’t know what is exactly the limit and what should I change. I know some things I must change, like accepting who I am and try to unfold more my personality, but I don’t know which way to take now, I believe I know, but, if I’m wrong? Maybe I am right and I get the wrong idea about the time to go. If I have to wait a little bit?
Yes, in a week now I will be 30 years old…
How does it sound? Old. Is not depression, but I feel I have to find something soon: a place to live feeling Victor 100%, a thing to do for living feeling that it is a thing I would do without getting paid…That means that I love it
I want to find out who the fuck I am and what is the reason why I am here, in planet Earth.
Maybe I am asking for too much, maybe not, but I could not live feeling that I don’t have anything to do here, that I am just here to work for the rest of my life going to work and coming home and doing anything else. I still trust this life. (for once I have removed the word “but”)