Previous two months



I have been in hell and in heaven last two months. It has been really difficult days, uos and downs and paranoias and depression (a bit) and I have felt I was substituted, like a player who is doing shit in game and gets substituted when only 30 minutes of the game have passed.
No one said living in Finland was easy. It is not, besides that I have adapted quite well, there is always something where I still feel a foreigner.
Also my future, now that I got one more extra year to finish my PhD I am quite more relaxed about it and not thinking much, just focusing in my job and in getting the manuscripts done. It is also hard but I will manage in this time.
I guess in a way it is one more year of agony, one year living in a place I love to live at, but knowing that probably I will need to go further away without the certainty that I will ever return to my beloved Joensuu.
I know at first was difficult but when you get used to it and having a job (difficult these days) it is one of the most marvellous places to live at.

After sauna….

Well, as always it means just to adapt to possible new situations that may come and hope for the best, look for the best. I am sure it will be the best possible for me.

Sometimes the nowadays situations makes you think what will be your future life for you, when and where will you establish, will you form a family? And it is hard. Moving and moving and moving. That is what scientists require but sometimes what they do not want when they have reached a certain age. Traveling without a family is great, the greater with the younger you are, but at some point to belong to a place is a damn necessary feeling. Otherwise it feels like if you are just a traveller. Anyway, time will tell for good. And remember that you are able to decide. So do it!

That language…

Giving up

I guess there is a moment that you do. I can think that there is a moment you are so pissed off of living this life that you agree dying. I can not think about any other time you give up. You may give up in learning finnish or english or looking for a job that would suit you and still live your life happily. But the true moment is when you are absolutely tired of suffering, or when you feel you do not have anything else to do here. That is the trick I guess. Don’t learn the trick. I will never give up. I miss the old Christmas days with you and the family, grandma. Don’t give up. I love you.

Where and how you will be in 30 years…….

I wonder if I will remember this night, I wonder if I will remember the concert I have just been to. Disco Ensemble has rocked Joensuu’s kellari today and I was there to enjo. A good way to start your 33th year. 32 years ago you just were born or about to be born. I think I was born at 6:00. More than 30 years have passed and I guess my mother has not forgotten. And she never will.
I was coming home from Karjalantalo and I just have started to think this, where will I be in 30 years…? will I still be alive? Will I be happy with the life I have spent in already 62 years…. ?
I don’t know.
Sometimes it seems that we do not enjoy life. And I mean every single moment of it. That’s why I wanted a job where I would enjoy, and luckily I do have it now.
I’ll try to remember all these days, all that people and all that situations that have built my life somehow. The puzzle of my life. All that situations, all that people are little pieces of the puzzle I am making. It is a beautiful one. Please, don’t miss it, you a re a valuable piece and without it the puzzle is not complete. Do you understand? For good or evil, all of you have been already pieces of my puzzle, and I hope I am/was/have been a piece of yours. That’s how we make this world run.
I hope that I will be proud of myself and whatever I have done in my life. I am now, I think, why shouldn’t I? I am.
Good night.

Life is as a supermarket

The moment you get in the supermarket is equivalent to when you are born. Then, life offers you different options, depending on the supermarket you are born at, and you choose or you are forced to choose what to buy- what to live. Once in the queue to pay what you have bought, you –again– can choose what cash desk you want your stuff to be paid at. This is like choosing your path in life, it will all lead to the same end –death=exit– but, depending on what cash desk you choose, you will reach the exit sooner, later, in a more successful manner, or in the most unnoticed. Sometimes you change the line because you believe the one you are moving to is going to be better – faster– and then you might find you were right and you have made the right choice for your purpose. Other occasions, you find that the checkout line you were in is faster and you realize that you have made the wrong choice, and that it is impossible to return. Anyway, make the right decision when choosing the line is essential in the duration of the path to reach the exit. I would not say that you must not change the queue if you are not satisfied with the cashier, neither would I say that you must change to another line or that you should leave without paying. It depends on you.

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El momento de entrar en el supermercado es equivalente a cuando se nace. Entonces, la vida te ofrece opciones diferentes, dependiendo del supermercado en el que has nacido, y escoges o te fuerzan a escoger qué comprar – qué vivir. Una vez en la cola para pagar lo que has comprado, – otra-vez – puedes escoger en que caja quieres que tu compra sea pagada. Esto se parece al escogimiento de tu camino en la vida, esto conducirá todo al mismo final-la muerte=salida-, pero, dependiendo de la caja que escojas, alcanzarás la salida más pronto, más tarde, en una manera más acertada, o de lamás inadvertida. A veces cambias de cola porque crees el que será mejor – más rápida – y luego usted podría encontrar que tienes razón y has elegido la opción correcta para tu objetivo. Otras ocasiones, encuentras que la cola que estabas es más rápida y usted comprende que has elegido la opción incorrecta, y que es imposible volver.
De todos modos, escoger la decisión correcta al elegir la línea es esencial en la duración del camino para alcanzar la salida. Yo no diría que no se debas cambiar a otra cola si estas satisfecho con el cajero, tampoco digo que te cambies a otra cola o que deberías marcharte sin pagar. Esto depende de tí.

Parallelisms

El pasado sábado tuvo lugar un partido de fútbol, que era más que eso. No porque fuera un derby, lo era por eso, por supuesto, porque estos partidos siempre me han atraido especialmente, pero el resultado y el desarrollo del mismo tienen un cierto paralelismo conmigo.
El partido fue un baño del Atlético de Madrid a su rival, cohabitante de la capital, el Real. Pero no ganamos. Dejamos escapar una oportunidad de oro. Qué se le va a hacer.
Yendo al grano, en mi vida, a mi juicio siempre, merezco más de lo que tengo, merezco ganar mi particular partido y hasta ahora no lo he hecho. He metido tambien algunos goles y me han robado otros. También es cierto que si no los metes aún teniendo la oportunidad la “culpa” es tuya, o del destino, quien sabe si el no meterlos te guardará algo mejor para el futuro. También, si los metes y te los anulan aún mereciéndolos y siendo legales…¿qué puedes hacer? Solo seguir hacia delantes sin perder la esperanza, sin dejar de vivir (jugar) y poniendo el 100% de tí mismo en los aspectos de la vida que te importan.
Y, por otra parte, el “chaval”, Fernando Torres, marcó por fin, frente al Real Madrid. Criticado por la gran mayoria de aficionados (excepto los del propio Atlético de Madrid), ningún otro jugador había sido machacado por la prensa y aficionados sobre este tema. Marcó y cerró por fin muchas bocas, aunque no conseguimos ganar. Realmente me alegré de que fuera él, uno de mis jugadores favoritos, quien marcara el 1-0. Y en fin…. ya les ganaremos.

English

Last Saturday a football match took place, which was more than it. Not only because it was a local derby, it was because of it, certainly, these games have always attracted me specially, but the result and the development of it have a certain parallelism with me. Atletico trashed its rival, cohabitant of the capital, the Real. But we did not win. We left escape a golden opportunity. But life goes on.
But coming to the point, in my life, always under my point of view, I deserve more than I have, I deserve to win my individual game and until now I have not done it. I have scored also some goals and some others that someone has stolen from me. Also it is true that if you do not score, having the opportunity it is your fault, or destiny’s, who knows if not score will save for you something better for the future. Also, if you score and someone does not give it as valid, deserving it and being legal … what can you do? You can only go on, without loosing hope and living (playing), putting 100% of you in the things that matter.
And, in other hand, the “Kid”, Fernando Torres, finally scored against Real Madrid. Critisized by the majority of football fans (with the exception of Atlético de Madrid‘s), no other player had been harped on like he has been by press and fans. He scored and made many people to shut up, although we did not manage to win. I was really happy that he scored the 1-0, one of my favourite players,. And, well, we will trash and win them, someday…